RGB Battlestation
KEYBOARD · MONITOR · RGB
Combo: +3. Your spreadsheet runs at 240 FPS. So do your Jira tickets.
The neighbours can see your LEDs from the ISS.
The deck
334 cards and 27 combos, sorted by role at the table.
Vibe
#named-setups Role combos (27)
Gather the right pieces of gear and the combo fires on its own, with its bonus and its name.
Terminal Monk
VIM · I USE ARCH · HOODIE
Combo: +3. No GUI. No mercy. Escape is your god.
I use Arch, btw. So does the backlog now.
Foundercore™
JARDIN CLOS · NOTION · AUDIO
Combo: +2. You raise a seed round against the slime.
The pitch deck has more HP than you.
Senior Couch
CAM OFF · HOODIE · LAPTOP
Combo: +2. Daily from bed. Camera off. Trousers: a rumour.
The stand-up is a concept. Like your deadlines.
Lord of the Pager
ASTREINTE · YAML · CAFÉ
Combo: +4. At 3am, you ARE the backlog.
PagerDuty is your religion. The gods call back.
Cult of Ergonomics
ERGO · DESK · MOUSE
Combo: +3. Your wrists will outlive the boss. Your tickets won't.
The standing desk is a weapon. Especially on the way down onto a toe.
Sysadmin 2004
THINKPAD · VIM · CAFÉ
Combo: +3. You lived through RAID 5. You have opinions. Many.
The ThinkPad survived three wars and one spilled coffee.
Streamer Setup
STREAM · RGB · AUDIO
Combo: +2. Twelve viewers: eleven bots and your mum.
The backlog has an overlay. The bugs get donations.
Prophet of AI
PROMPT · LINKEDIN · JARDIN CLOS
Combo: +2. You didn't write the code. You prompted it.
"I 10x'd my impact." — ChatGPT, about you.
Intern Kit
CANARD · MEME · MONSTER
Combo: +2. Zero salary, maximum stickers. The rubber duck has more seniority.
You get paid in "GitHub visibility".
Security Theatre
ZERO TRUST · I USE ARCH · ASTREINTE
Combo: +3. Zero Trust. Except the guest Wi-Fi called "password".
The password is Password1!. You own a YubiKey for the LinkedIn photo.
Gamer Between Jobs
RGB · MONSTER · STREAM
Combo: +2. You deploy between ranked games. CI is red. Your K/D is green.
Priorities. That's product management, honestly.
Distro Hopper
I USE ARCH · OS · MEME
Combo: +3. You reinstall Arch mid-debug. It's tactical.
The perfect distro exists. It's the next one. Always the next one.
Windows Survivor
WINDOWS · CAFÉ · MEME
Combo: +2. Update: 47%. Since yesterday. You debug anyway.
Cortana is dead. BitLocker is alive. You: we'll see.
GPU Furnace
GPU · PROMPT · MONSTER
Combo: +4. Your flat is a datacenter. The power company sends threats.
The 4090 heats the backlog. The bugs sweat. So do you.
Walled Garden
MACOS · JARDIN CLOS · OS
Combo: +2. It just works. Except the file. Except the dongle. Except you.
Lightning, USB-C, MagSafe. Three cables. Zero freedom. Maximum prestige.
A/B Lab
FLAG · MEME · METRICS
Combo: +3. 50/50. Sample size: 7. p-value: "smells right".
Variant B won. It was a bug. We shipped it anyway. Growth.
GitOps Priest
YAML · TERRAFORM · I USE ARCH
Combo: +3. If it isn't in Git, it doesn't exist. Neither does your weekend.
Argo: OutOfSync. You: OutOfOffice. Both are lying.
Observability Cosplay
METRICS · ASTREINTE · YAML
Combo: +3. Twelve dashboards. Zero answers. But the graphs are gorgeous.
Three pillars. Your incident: in the fourth, the one we didn't pay for.
Design Studio
8PX · JARDIN CLOS · NOTION
Combo: +3. Auto-layout. Auto-ego. The 8px grid is a constitution.
The file is called `final_v7_REAL.fig`. There is a v8. Nobody talks about it.
Pixel Police
8PX · ERGO · MEME
Combo: +2. It's 4px too far left. The bug. Your life. Everything.
You don't have opinions. You have a grid. The grid has opinions.
QA in Prod
QA EN PROD · FLAG · MEME
Combo: +3. Users are your testers. The flag is a suggestion.
Repro steps: 1. Open prod 2. Click 3. Cry. Severity: "we'll see Monday".
Exploratory Chaos
QA EN PROD · CAFÉ · CAM OFF
Combo: +2. No test plan. A vibe. A sofa. 14 bugs. Zero tickets.
Session: 3h. Notes: one blurry screenshot. Severity: "I felt something".
Calendar Tetris
1:1 · CALENDAR · SLIDES
Combo: +3. Seven meetings. No gaps. The debug is a 25-minute "hold".
Focus time: 12:00–12:25. Moved four times. By you.
One-on-One Machine
1:1 · LINKEDIN · CAFÉ
Combo: +2. Psychological safety. Then an OKR. Then "let's align". Then nothing.
How are you feeling? Great. Action items: 0. Duration: 47 min. Growth.
YAML Bard
CI · YAML · MEME
Combo: +3. 900 lines. Twelve are true. The rest is indented poetry.
You build it you run it. You indented it. You flee it. You run it anyway.
Backlog Theatre
1:1 · FLAG · SLIDES
Combo: +2. Priority P0. Like the other fourteen P0s. The roadmap is a Figma file.
We need to be more agile. Next slide: a Gantt. Next slide: the Gantt on fire.
#incidents The bugs (138)
What you pull from the Tickets pile. Your velocity has to land strictly above their story points — and your friends will inflate them.
The Unpaid Intern
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
+3 vs Dev. +3 against Devs. Four PRs merged, zero payslips.
SIDE EFFECT He "borrows" a piece of gear for his portfolio.
"I'll put it on my GitHub — that's basically pay."
The HR Dragon
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
-2 vs Influencer. We're just going to "chat" for 45 minutes. -2 if you're an Influencer.
SIDE EFFECT Express PIP: you lose a level.
"It's not a layoff, it's an opportunity."
The Crypto Bro
3 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+5 vs Goblin. Have fun staying poor. +5 against Goblins (they're holding too many bags).
SIDE EFFECT Rug pull: discard your whole hand.
His sword is a candlestick chart. Red, obviously.
Customer Support Karen
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
She wants to speak to the manager… of the backlog.
SIDE EFFECT One-star review: you lose a random piece of gear.
The bob cut is a +2 magic weapon, already counted.
The Meeting That Should Have Been an Email
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
+4 vs Elf. Mandatory round-the-table. +4 against Remote-Work Elves.
SIDE EFFECT You doze off. -1 level.
"Just five minutes" — 47 minutes later.
The Influencer Lich
4 GOODIES · +2 LVL
Like, subscribe, perish. BIG bug: +2 levels if you kill it.
SIDE EFFECT You get cancelled. Death: you lose all your stuff.
Her collab with Death did 12 million views.
The Wi-Fi Ghost
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
One bar. In the basement. -2 to reassign.
SIDE EFFECT Eternal buffering. Nothing else… this time.
It only haunts the important calls.
The Algorithm
4 GOODIES · +2 LVL
+6 vs Influencer. It shadowbanned your build. +6 against Influencers.
SIDE EFFECT Dereferenced. Social death, therefore death.
Nobody understands its rules. Least of all itself.
The Open-Space Cat
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
-5 vs Cat. It sits on your keyboard. The debug begins. -5 against Cats.
SIDE EFFECT It pushes a piece of gear off the table. Literally.
Final boss disguised as a furball.
The LinkedIn Coach
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+3 vs Gym Bro. He 10x'd your mindset. +3 against Gym Bro (hustle competition).
SIDE EFFECT You buy his masterclass. -1 level.
"I was broke. Then I sold this sentence."
The Tax Slime
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
It absorbs your expense claims.
SIDE EFFECT Audit: one piece of gear is written off.
Slimy, green, and very particular about receipts.
The ASAP Final Boss
5 GOODIES · +2 LVL
+4 vs Barista. It was due yesterday. +4 against Baristas (they understand rush too well).
SIDE EFFECT Deadline missed. Personal game over.
It has no face. Just a calendar on fire.
The Comment Troll
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
First. Ratio. Git gud.
SIDE EFFECT You reply. You lose. -1 level.
He lives under a bridge, and under every post.
The AI That Replaces You
4 GOODIES · +2 LVL
+5 vs Dev. 24/7, zero lunch vouchers. +5 against Devs.
SIDE EFFECT Automated: you lose your role.
It apologises politely while taking your job.
The Delivery Pigeon
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
Order not found. The pigeon, however, is very findable.
SIDE EFFECT It leaves you one star. That's all.
It ate your sushi. Evidence: the sushi.
The Possessed Coffee Machine
3 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+4 vs Barista. Error 418. I'm a teapot. And I hate you. +4 vs Barista.
SIDE EFFECT Cold turkey. -2 levels.
It only makes decaf now. Out of spite.
The Standup Werewolf
3 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+3 vs Dev. Three-hour stand-up. +3 against Devs.
SIDE EFFECT Surprise action item: you lose a piece of gear.
"Yesterday I…" He is still talking.
The Free Trial Mimic
3 GOODIES · +1 LVL
Your 14 days are over. Pay or perish.
SIDE EFFECT Surprise charge: your hand vanishes.
The chest was a subscription. Obviously.
The Jira P-Zero Ticket
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+3 vs Dev. Created 14 seconds ago. +3 against Devs. Story points: ∞.
SIDE EFFECT Assigned: you lose a piece of gear "to investigate".
Description: "doesn't work". Attachments: one blurry screenshot.
Legacy COBOL
3 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+4 vs SRE. Nobody dares touch it. It has been running since 1974. +4 vs SRE.
SIDE EFFECT You "modernised" it. -2 levels and 0 pride.
The comments are in Latin. The bugs are in production.
CrashLoopBackOff
3 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+5 vs SRE. It restarts. Again. Again. +5 against SREs.
SIDE EFFECT Logs rotated: your hand disappears into /var/log.
Restart count: 4,193. Liveness probe: a lie.
The PM Who Saw a Tweet
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+3 vs Designer. "What if we did it like Linear?" +3 vs Designer.
SIDE EFFECT Pivot: you lose your role. New role: "opportunistic".
The scope doubled while you were reading this card.
NPM Install
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
+3 vs Dev. node_modules weighs more than the backlog. +3 vs Dev.
SIDE EFFECT It's still compiling. You are ageing. -1 level.
1,847 packages. 12 maintainers. 3 of them are raccoons.
The Junior Who Force-Pushed
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
Onto main. On a Friday. With a smile.
SIDE EFFECT Your last commit no longer exists. Neither does a piece of gear.
The reflog is a suggestion. History is a myth.
The Corporate VPN
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
+4 vs Elf. Auth every four minutes. +4 against Remote-Work Elves.
SIDE EFFECT Session expired. You stay alive, humiliated.
Split tunnel: your tears only.
The OOM Killer
3 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+3 vs SRE. It kills the most innocent process. That's you.
SIDE EFFECT Social SIGKILL: death, stuff lost, ego swapped.
Killed process. Reason: mercy is OOM.
The Recruiter Who DMs You
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
+2 vs Influencer. "Exciting opportunity" = COBOL at 32k. +2 vs Influencer.
SIDE EFFECT You replied "I'm open to it". -1 level.
Your profile is 12 years old. He still wrote "your skills are a 94% match".
Five Hundred Internal Server Error
4 GOODIES · +2 LVL
+4 vs Dev. BIG. Nobody knows why. Neither do the logs. +4 vs Dev.
SIDE EFFECT Prod down. Post-mortem: you.
Traceback: 800 lines. The real error is on line 2, which you scrolled past.
The Flaky Test
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
It passes locally. It fails in CI. It passes if you pray.
SIDE EFFECT You marked it skip. The shame: -1 level.
Retry: 3. Faith: 0. Pipeline: red since Tuesday.
Technical Debt
2 GOODIES · +1 LVL
We'll pay it back next sprint. (An ancestral lie.)
SIDE EFFECT Refactor "later": a piece of gear is collateral.
Compound interest. In bugs. With overdraft fees.
Sev-One Incident at Three A.M.
4 GOODIES · +2 LVL
+6 vs SRE. BIG. Slack is exploding. The CEO is in the channel. +6 vs SRE.
SIDE EFFECT Status page: red. So are you.
War room. 40 people. 1 typing. 39 asking for an ETA.
The Sentient CAPTCHA
1 GOODIE · +1 LVL
+3 vs Local AI. Click all the traffic lights. There are no traffic lights. +3 vs Local AI.
SIDE EFFECT You failed. Try again in 999 seconds.
"I am not a robot." The CAPTCHA: "we'll see".
The Board That Wants AI
3 GOODIES · +1 LVL
+5 vs Influencer. "Put some ChatGPT in it." Where? "Yes." +5 vs Influencer.
SIDE EFFECT You are now "AI Officer". Role lost, badge gained.
Data budget: 0. Expectations: AGI by Tuesday.
60 / 361