Mechanical Keyboard of Destiny
600 CREDITS
+3 keyboard. Clicky to the bone.
Blue switches wake the dead.
Gear (97)
Headset, chair, keyboard, machine, gadgets. Every piece raises your velocity, and some of them snap together into named combos.
LinkedIn Premium
400 CREDITS
+2. You can see who viewed your profile. It's the dragon.
InMail to the soul.
AirPods of Invisibility
400 CREDITS
+2, +1 to reassign. Nobody hears you ragequit.
The case is in another backlog.
The Chair Adjusted Exactly Once
500 CREDITS
+3 velocity. One chair only. Eleven knobs still in their plastic.
Twelve knobs. Exactly one was used, in 2019, by someone else.
The Never-Used Cable Grommet
400 CREDITS
+2 velocity, +2 to reassign. One spot under the desk. Still in its bag.
Came with the desk. Still in its bag, under the desk.
The Monitor Arm
700 CREDITS
+4 velocity. One peripheral. Six steps, one Allen key, one spare screw.
Six steps, one Allen key, one spare screw. The monitor no longer moves.
The Privacy Screen
500 CREDITS
+3 velocity. One peripheral. Your neighbour sees nothing. Neither do you, at an angle.
Your neighbour sees nothing. Neither do you, from three-quarters on.
Dragon NFT
PERMANENT
+1. Worth 0 credits. Your grandchildren will laugh.
Right-click save as… no, that doesn't count.
World's Best Boss Mug
200 CREDITS
+1. Enchanted irony.
The coffee inside is stronger than you.
Five-G Wi-Fi Cape
400 CREDITS
+2. Full bars. Conspiracy theories included.
The pigeons hate it.
The Macro Keyboard
800 CREDITS
+4 velocity. Takes both peripheral slots. One key to close a ticket.
One key to close a ticket. It gets used far too much.
The Pair's Second Keyboard
400 CREDITS
+2 velocity. One peripheral. Two keyboards, one machine, one coffee.
Two keyboards, one machine. It works better than you'd think.
Mute Ring
400 CREDITS
+2. You exist, but muted.
"You're on mute." — the bug, too.
The Cardboard Monitor Riser
300 CREDITS
+2 velocity. One chair only. Two more boxes and you'd see over the partition.
Six orders stacked up. Three weren't necessary. Two are cables.
Stack Overflow Grimoire
600 CREDITS
+3. Copy-paste is a school of magic.
The answer is downvoted. You take it anyway.
The Presentation Clicker
900 CREDITS
+5 velocity. One peripheral. Whoever holds it decides.
Whoever holds it decides. It changes hands at every steering committee.
The Tower Under The Desk
200 CREDITS
+1 velocity, +1 to reassign. One spot under the desk. Two kicks a day.
It gets kicked twice a day. It holds.
Dark Mode Orb
400 CREDITS
+2. Your eyes thank you. The bugs, less so.
The real backlog was light mode all along.
Dual Ultrawide Monitor
800 CREDITS
+4 screen. One screen for code, one for Slack, an imaginary third for the debt.
The HDMI cables form a Gordian knot. You live with it.
MacBook Pro M Infinity
900 CREDITS
+3 machine. Battery life: marketing. Fans: lore.
It costs more than your rent. It compiles slower than your intern.
Indestructible ThinkPad
500 CREDITS
+3 machine. The TrackPoint is a relic. The keyboard has seen empires fall.
Dropped from a fourth floor. The ThinkPad is fine. The floor, less so.
IKEA Standing Desk
400 CREDITS
+2 screen. Your knees pray. Your colleagues mock. Your wrists applaud.
Manual: 47 screws. 46 remain. That's enough for glory.
Laptop on the Radiator
100 CREDITS
+1 machine. Enchanted thermal throttling. Comfort: 11/10. CPU: 2/10.
The BIOS has developed a personality. It sweats.
Framework Repaired Forty-Seven Times
400 CREDITS
+2 machine. Right to repair, right to suffer. Torx screws included (all but one).
You have a spare of everything. Except a weekend.
Blue-Light Glasses
300 CREDITS
+2 head. Your eyes think it's evening. It's 11am. You're still coding.
Scientific studies: mixed. Flex: maximal.
The Boom Arm Mic
300 CREDITS
+2 velocity. One headset only. Dev only. He didn't speak; the mic was ready.
He didn't speak in the meeting. The mic, though, was ready.
I Can't Hear You ANC Headset
600 CREDITS
+3 head, +1 to reassign. The office, reduced to lore.
Someone talked at you for 10 minutes. You said "nice" to a Sev-1.
The Video-Call Light Panel
400 CREDITS
+2 velocity. One headset only. Perfectly neutral light, perfectly empty chair.
Twelve viewers. Eleven are bots. The twelfth is your mum.
The Distro Sticker
200 CREDITS
+2 velocity. Gadget. He didn't say it, he stuck it on.
He didn't say it. He stuck it on. That's even more effective.
The On-Call Lumbar Cushion
500 CREDITS
+3 velocity. One chair only. SRE only: the others don't carry the pager.
Bought after the third Sev-1. The back, however, has not forgotten.
The Pentester's High-Back Chair
600 CREDITS
+3 velocity. One chair only. Hacker only. Back to the wall, screen facing the wall.
Back to the wall, screen facing the wall. Nobody reads over his shoulder.
The Blanket Over The Backrest
200 CREDITS
+2 velocity. One chair only. It never leaves the office. It is never washed.
It never leaves the office. It is never washed either.
The Tilted Footrest
300 CREDITS
+2 velocity, +1 to reassign. One spot under the desk. Nobody puts their feet on it.
Recommended by occupational health. Used to prop up a box.
The Six-Socket Power Strip
200 CREDITS
+1 velocity, +2 to reassign. One spot under the desk. The sixth socket is unusable.
Five sockets taken. The sixth is blocked by a power brick.
The Beeping UPS
500 CREDITS
+3 velocity. One spot under the desk. Eight minutes of runtime, and a beep.
It holds for eight minutes. Long enough to realise that won't be enough.
Ergodox E Z, Split
700 CREDITS
+4 keyboard. Three months of headaches, then you're a god. Or a cult.
Layout: Colemak. Friends remaining: 0. WPM: 140. Humility: 0.
Sacred Vertical Mouse
300 CREDITS
+2 peripheral. Your wrist writes you a thank-you card.
It looks like a dolphin. It clicks like destiny.
Oracle Trackball
500 CREDITS
+3 peripheral. You predict bugs by rolling the ball.
The young don't understand. The old don't explain.
YubiKey Spear
400 CREDITS
+2 peripheral. Physical 2FA. Lose it and you cease to exist.
Attached to the keyring. The keyring is in the other trousers.
Steam Deck Shield
600 CREDITS
+3 machine. You're "testing" in ranked. It's QA, promise.
Proton. Wine. Hope. In that order.
Legendary Figma Stylus
700 CREDITS
+4 peripheral. Designer only. Auto-layout owes you rent.
The 8px grid is a religion. Devs are heretics.
Senior Staff Rubber Duck
200 CREDITS
+1 gadget. It has no Slack. It has all the answers. You talk, it judges.
More seniority than the CTO. Fewer meetings. Respect.
Twelve-Zone RGB Mouse Pad
200 CREDITS
+1 gadget. Your FPS in Notion: 240. Your tickets: still 0.
Software: 2 GB of RAM. For a mouse pad.
Works on My Machine Sticker
100 CREDITS
+1 gadget. Legal proof. Inadmissible. Irrefutable.
The laptop is the courtroom. You, the judge. QA, the convict.
Monster Energy Ritual
100 CREDITS
+1 gadget. The heart returns a 4xx. The brain compiles.
Flavour: "green pipeline". Aftertaste: mortality.
USB Drive Never Safely Ejected Since 2008
100 CREDITS
+1 peripheral. Contains: 3 viruses, a Word dissertation, and the truth about 2007.
"Safely remove hardware" is for cowards.
Four-K Webcam for Standups
300 CREDITS
+1 peripheral. We can see your pores. We cannot see your deliverables.
Ring light included. Soul: not.
PagerDuty Pager
400 CREDITS
+2 gadget. It vibrates. Always. Even switched off. Especially switched off.
Escalation policy: you, then you, then you again.
Kubernetes Helm
500 CREDITS
+2 gadget. SRE only. values.yaml has 900 lines. Twelve are true.
Chart: "stable". Lying is an API.
Four-Hundred-Line Vim RC
300 CREDITS
+2 gadget. You never leave vim. That's the plan.
Leader key: space. Religion: yes. Mouse: sin.
Notion Premium, Forty-Seven Databases
300 CREDITS
+1 gadget. The second brain. The first one is throwing 502s.
Template: "Life OS". Life: an empty kanban.
ChatGPT Tab, Times Forty-Seven
400 CREDITS
+2 gadget. You no longer have opinions. You have prompts.
"Make it more senior." It added emoji. You merged.
Raspberry Pi Mining Dust
200 CREDITS
+1 machine. Homelab. Home. Lab. Mostly home.
It hosts a blog nobody reads. You included.
Lubed Switches, the Hobby
200 CREDITS
+1 keyboard. Twelve hours of your life. One sound. Just one. You replay it.
The uninitiated say "keyboard". You say "thock".
Magic HDMI Cable
100 CREDITS
+1 peripheral. It works if you hold it a certain way. Science.
4K 120Hz. In theory. In practice: 720p and faith.
Dead Succulent, Decoration
100 CREDITS
+1 gadget. You didn't know it needed water. You code irrigation systems.
RIP Gerald. You had a name. You did not have water.
War French Press
200 CREDITS
+1 gadget. Coffee like tar. Soul like a kernel panic.
Ratio: 1/4. Of coffee. And of everything else.
Orphan Numeric Keypad
200 CREDITS
+1 keyboard. Your 60% keyboard abandoned it. It reminds you.
Excel. At last. The backlog's accountants accept you.
The Pomodoro Timer
400 CREDITS
+2 velocity. Gadget. Twenty-five minutes, interrupted at the sixth.
Twenty-five minutes of focus. Interrupted at the sixth.
The Sliding Webcam Cover
300 CREDITS
+2 velocity. Gadget. Closed since install, reopened twice by mistake.
Closed since install. Reopened twice, by mistake, in a meeting.
RTX Forty-Ninety Central Heating
900 CREDITS
+5 machine. Inference: 2 tok/s. Flat: 51°C. Neighbours: complaining.
For deep learning. Mostly mining excuses.
Windows Eleven License from eBay
200 CREDITS
+2. Key: 25 characters. Provenance: a cousin. Activation: sometimes.
Genuine. A flexible definition. Like your SLOs.
Official Tux Plush
200 CREDITS
+1 gadget. It judges your systemd.enable. Especially your systemd.enable.
More GNU than you. Fewer meetings. Eternal respect.
Arch ISO on a USB Drive
100 CREDITS
+1 peripheral. Ready to reinstall. Always. Especially now.
The wiki is the backlog. The backlog is the wiki. btw.
Cursor Ultra, Infinite Tabs
600 CREDITS
+3. The agent wrote the PR. You squashed it. You said "I shipped".
Composer. Agent. Tab. Ego. In that order.
API Key in the Dot Env
300 CREDITS
+2 peripheral. Gitignored. Except this commit. Except this gist. Except this Slack screenshot.
sk-proj-… rotated 0 times. Tweeted once. By an intern.
Ollama, Seven B, Breathing Hard
400 CREDITS
+2 machine. Local. Private. Slow. Proud. The Mac screams. You smile.
llama3.1. RAM: all of it. Answer: "I" then 40s of fan noise.
Copilot Subscription
400 CREDITS
+2. Tab completes your regrets. And your off-by-ones. Especially your off-by-ones.
Grey text. Grey morals. Grey prod.
Eight-Hundred-Line ZSH RC
300 CREDITS
+2 gadget. Your aliases have aliases. Your shell starts in 4s. It's a feature.
oh-my-zsh + starship + 12 plugins. For ls. In colour. Obviously.
PowerShell ISE, Relic
300 CREDITS
+2 gadget. Get-ChildItem is a weapon. Verb-Noun is a religion.
ExecutionPolicy: Restricted. You: Unrestricted. HR: notified.
Legendary Notepad Plus Plus
200 CREDITS
+2 gadget. It opens the 800 MB XML. Your IDEs don't. Your excuses don't.
Don Ho. One man. One editor. One empire. One backlog.
USB-C Dongle of Shame
200 CREDITS
+1 peripheral. 4 dongles for 1 port. The garden is walled. So is your wallet.
It costs more than the ThinkPad next to it. It does less.
BSD Daemon Plush
200 CREDITS
+1 gadget. Linux people don't get it. That's the plan.
man 9. The 9 is frightening. So are you, a bit.
Midjourney Subscription
400 CREDITS
+2. Designer only. You "iterate". Real designers iterate on lawsuits.
/imagine prompt: final boss, cinematic, --v 6 --stylize 1000 --ethics 0
Engraved System Prompt
400 CREDITS
+2 gadget. Prompt Engineer only. 12,000 tokens of rules. The model: "ok". (It isn't.)
You are a helpful assistant. You are neither helpful nor an assistant. You are a backlog.
WSL Two, the Bridge
300 CREDITS
+2 machine. Linux inside Windows inside the backlog. Inception. Filesystem: 40 MB/s.
\\wsl$\Ubuntu. Your perf weeps. So do your colleagues: "why not dual boot".
Terraform Plan That Lies
500 CREDITS
+3 gadget. 0 to change. Apply: 14 to destroy. DevOps only, the others don't have the state.
Plan is a promise. Apply is a confession. Refresh is a prayer.
Foam Kill Switch
400 CREDITS
+2 gadget. Default: true. Kill: a button. The button: in another repo. The repo: archived.
We can always turn it off. Auth on the flag service: off. Irony: on.
Grafana Dashboard, Forty-Seven Panels
400 CREDITS
+2 screen. Every graph is green. The incident is elsewhere. Obviously.
RED. USE. Four golden signals. Zero golden answers. Theme: dark. Soul: darker.
Datadog Watchdog
500 CREDITS
+2. It saw everything. Except the thing. The thing mattered. So did the bill.
Watchdog barked. You muted Watchdog. Prod barked louder.
Argo CD Out of Sync
400 CREDITS
+2 screen. Sync: manual. Auto: once. Drift: always. GitOps: cosplay.
The desired state is a vibe. The live state is a crime scene.
GitHub Actions Badge
200 CREDITS
+1 gadget. README: build passing. Reality: skipped on main. Shame: also passing.
Required status checks. Optional dignity. Matrix: 12. Brain: 0.
Laminated 2019 Runbook
200 CREDITS
+1 gadget. Step 4: restart the pet. The pet is called pikachu-2. It's been down since Thursday.
Printed. Laminated. Wrong. Sacred.
A B Platform, Twelve Experiments
600 CREDITS
+3 screen. 12 tests. 11 underpowered. 1 that "won" because we stopped early.
Holdout 5%. Holdout of the truth: 95%. Dashboard: pretty. Science: cosplay.
The Three Nines Screensaver
300 CREDITS
+2 velocity. Gadget. Three nines on display, eleven hours already spent.
99.9% over the year. Eight hours of downtime. We've already used eleven.
TF State on a USB Drive
300 CREDITS
+2 peripheral. Remote backend: one day. Today: a pocket. S3: a rumour.
Don't commit state. Committed. Don't share the USB. Shared. Don't apply. Applied.
Sacred Wacom Tablet
600 CREDITS
+3 screen. Designer only. The stylus has more pressure than your stakeholders.
2048 levels of pressure. 0 levels of "make the logo bigger" tolerance.
iPad for Design
700 CREDITS
+2 screen. Mostly Twitter. Accidental: Figma. Intentional: the pencil down the sofa.
Procreate, sometimes. Procrastinate, always. AppleCare: emotional.
Pantone Fan Deck
200 CREDITS
+1 gadget. It isn't blue. It's 2727 C. Correct yourself. Correct the backlog.
The hex is wrong. The print is wrong. You are right. Nobody cares. You care extra.
Calibration Probe, If You Know You Know
400 CREDITS
+2 gadget. Your screens are accurate. Your colleagues see a different backlog. They're the bug.
D65. 120 cd/m². Soft-proof. Hard opinions. Harder wrists.
Flaky Cypress Badge
400 CREDITS
+2 gadget. QA only. 200 tests. 12 reliable. CI is a twenty-sided die.
cy.wait(5000). That's not a test. That's a prayer with a timeout.
Repro Steps Post-It
100 CREDITS
+1 gadget. Step 3: ??? Step 4: bug. Screenshot: a thumb. Severity: "maybe important".
Expected: it works. Actual: lol. Environment: prod, obviously.
Staging Access Lanyard
300 CREDITS
+2. Staging = last week's prod. The flags: copy-pasted. The data: real. Oops.
Please don't test on prod. The lanyard is a suggestion. Prod is right there.
Calendly Premium, No Open Slots
400 CREDITS
+2. Your 25 minutes are a myth. Buffer: 0. Human: 0. Links: 12.
Find a time. There is no time. Book anyway. That's management.
Forty-Seven-Slide Deck, Twelve Appendices
400 CREDITS
+2 gadget. The message fitted in 3 bullets. The bullets had children. Manager only.
Appendix. Appendix of the appendix. Title: vison. Vision, even. Nobody reached slide 4.
Empty One-on-One Notebook
300 CREDITS
+2 gadget. Page 1: "how are you?". Page 2: a doodle. Pages 3–200: blank. Growth.
Documented. Documented nothing. Psychological safety: a heading. That's it.
The Quarterly Bookmark
200 CREDITS
+1 velocity. Gadget. Q3 objectives, sticking out of a notebook, halfway through Q4.
Q3 objectives. It's Q4. Nobody took it down.